Muslim Marriage App Allowed A Predator To Attack Me. Now I Am Warning Others Too

*Contributer has asked her identity to be protected

30th November 2020

Update:

Since this post went live, the response has been phenomenal. Many more victims of the perpetrator referred to in this blog, Md Alfaz Rahman, have since come forward since we posted his photo and MO on social media platforms- alongside other women who have been abused, attacked and scammed by men they’ve met via Muzmatch. They have been referred to the police who are now investigating. Thank you to everyone who have helped on this journey for justice.

Alfaz Rahman of Oldham was named as a sexual predator by numerous Muslim women he had met via Muzmatch

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26th June 2020.

I never thought I’d be the sort of person writing this blog. Then again, I never thought I’d be the sort of person who would have been taken for a ride by some random stranger I met online. But it happened to me, and can just as easily happen to you, which is why I am now speaking out.

As I turned 24, the pressure to marry and ‘settle down’ kept intensifying, with my female relatives and even my mum always bringing up my age and current single status and reminding me constantly that as soon as I hit 25 and over, it was game over in terms of finding a decent ‘rishta.’ My dad had suffered a recent health scare, and as the only daughter, I felt even more pressure to find someone and settle down so that my family could stop being so worried about me.

My family wanted me to find someone and settle down, as per the custom in traditional Muslim families. 

With the thought of ‘will I truly be left on the shelf if I don’t find someone?’ and, having asked around my friends and relatives, and doing my own research, I decided to give ‘Muzmatch’ a go. I remember thinking ‘at least all my aunties can get off my case now, lol.’ If only I known what nightmare was in store for me while I made my profile.

The website seemed to take online safety seriously, and had a lot of information about verifying identities, using something called ‘Selfie Verification’ and ‘Security Selfie’, which actually gave me a lot of confidence in using the site. Confidence that was definitely misplaced, I can tell you.

I know what some of you will be thinking right now- ‘online dating? only saddos and weirdos use the internet to find their life partners’ but I was working long hours, with irregular shifts and had no time to find someone any other way.

So I took a deep breath, uploaded my details and then waited impatiently while ‘Muzmatch’ Approved my profile. In fact, this ‘Awaiting Approval’ process gave me even more confidence in using the site as it meant that idiots and predators wouldn’t be allowed to make constant fake profiles to target Muslim women, which was a common complaint about other Muslim matrimonial sites. I actually believed that the security team at Muzmatch would be able to pick up if a man was trying to scam women but, as my story will show, I couldn’t have been more wrong or naïve!

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A few days after being approved, I matched with a profile named ‘Jay111’, a 29 years old and a GP. Yes, he was a bit older than me but I thought that might be a good thing as he would be more mature and ready to actually settle down. We began messaging on the app; there seemed to be a real connection as he was very interested in my life and what I did.

Soon after he started telling me he was too busy to respond on the app and wanted to continue communicating with me via Snapchat- an app I didn’t really use. He was very insistent and kept telling me how serious he was about marriage and wanting to settle down. After a few more weeks of chatting, we began to speak via phone. He would often mention his work pressures and how many patients he’d seen that day. He also told me he was a ‘Quran hafiz’, a person who had memorised the entire Quran and said on a few occasions he just wanted a halal relationship. When he suggested we meet up a few weeks after that, I didn’t think anything of it and asked my friend to accompany me. Afterall, he had kept on insisting how serious he was about marriage and settling down.

We ended up meeting on Tuesday, 18th of February 2020 for a quick coffee due to my busy job working in mental health. He came across sincere and genuinely wanting to settle down, get married and start a family. We continued chatting for a few weeks after the first meeting but soon it became apparent he was not the educated, worldly man I thought he was. He began to complain about my friends and when I went out for a meal with work colleagues, he told me it wasn’t acceptable and after our marriage, there’s no way he’d allow me to go out like that. I was shocked, and angry and told him there’s no way I would be with a man who was that controlling and possessive. After two weeks of him calling and sending me messages apologising, he told me he was visiting Sheffield, my home city, and that he wanted to meet up and apologise in person. Against my better judgement, I said yes and asked one of my friends to come along. He later mentioned it was his birthday, and he was hoping for a present when he saw me. I laughed it off, but got him a small present that I could afford. When we met, he kept mentioning it was his birthday and he wanted my help to pick out an outfit. He took me to the high-end shop, Flannels, and began to pick out expensive jackets. He then said I was going to have to pay for him. I thought he was joking and told him ‘no way, I don’t have that kind of money’ but as we got closer to the till, he kept saying it so I moved away and pretended to call my friend. He began to shout at me from the till, and due to the long queue that had formed behind him with everyone looking at me, my anxiety was sky high. To this day, I cannot believe how I was pressured into buying a near-stranger an outfit costing £450. The way I was manipulated into this sorry state of affairs made me think that this wasn’t Jay’s first rodeo- he had most definitely done this before to other women.

Worse was to come.

After the unplanned shopping spree, I felt sick and just wanted to leave immediately, but Jay insisted on following me to my car. He then got into my car without my permission and sexually assaulted me. This was in broad daylight in a public carpark.

According to information given to me later by the police, ‘Jay’ had been allowed to make fake profiles on Muzmatch FOUR times. Despite multiple complaints, Muzmatch have allowed this sexual predator to continue to make fake profiles to have access to vulnerable women like myself. If Muzmatch had taken serious action to block ‘Jay’ permanently from the first complaint being made, this incident could have been prevented and I would now not be suffering from PTSD brought on by the trauma of sexual assault. Secondly, Muzmatch ignored requests for information by a female police officer initially when I first reported my sexual assault to South Yorkshire Police. Repeated attempts had to be made before information was reluctantly handed over. All this time, my attacker has been allowed to continue to access vulnerable women. I cannot be sure if he is doing the same on other apps but I have a horrible gut feeling he is. I’ve now had my statement taken and waiting on the police to carry out further investigations.

I am still trying to understand how a strong, intelligent woman like me could have been so manipulated. But I was.

I have now come forward to share my story because, as women we can fall into such traps due to our vulnerabilities. I want women to be aware and be wise and not make the same mistakes I have made.

My fight for justice will carry on, but I wanted to share my experiences with all of you. At first, I was embarrassed and ashamed, and blamed myself. But I now know this isn’t my shame or blame, it belongs to the man who attacked me, abused me, and took advantage of me. If you too have come across someone like ‘Jay111’, please do come forward and together I hope we can find some form of justice and closure to our horrible experiences.